We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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