Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
