if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
