An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
