Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
