"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
