so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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