im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
