it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
