Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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