Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
