i was born a porn star she said
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
