I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
