I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize