I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
