I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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