I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
