so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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