we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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