Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
