I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
