if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
