You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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