When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
