Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
