"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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