And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
