You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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