Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
