i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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