do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
