For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
