I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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