I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
