I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
