glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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