I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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