the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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