If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
