I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize