I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
