They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My hand turned me down
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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