At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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