I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
