im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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