Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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