i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
