Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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