If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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