He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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