The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
