so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
