It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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