I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
