Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think my mom watched the whole time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A+ Viking dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
