He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sarcasm needs its own font
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
