He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
