They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
