Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
