Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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