when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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