Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
