So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
