Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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