this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
