i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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