Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
