help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
