pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
