My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
