Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
