At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
