babies were throwing up all over the place
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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