This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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