ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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