Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
