her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
