I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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