i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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