Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize