just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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