She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
