Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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