just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
