If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
accomplished twins. life is a go
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
