Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
