It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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