I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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