I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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