Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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