so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
