Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
