I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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