Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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