I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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