Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
